How to visit a new mom and have her love you afterwards

Going to visit a new Mother and her tiny baby? As a Mom who has been there 4 times, I've had great and not-so-great experiences when friends came to visit postpartum. Make your visit a blessing instead of a drudgery with these tips.

1) Call beforehand and ask what you can bring her to eat

A new Mom, especially if she's breastfeeding, is hungry! Don't ask if she wants you to bring her anything. Most new Moms in our culture are unlikely to ask for help. Tell her that you ARE bringing her lunch and would she prefer Italian or Chinese? And make sure, if you're preparing something, that it's not loaded with empty carbs. New Moms have enough trouble going to the bathroom in those postpartum days! She needs good nutrition, not junk.

2) When you arrive, don't smell like a bouquet on overdrive

Newborn babies have sensitive skin. Some of them break out when they are held by someone with a lot of synthetic perfume on. When you go visit a new baby, don't smell like you've been attacked by Chanel No. 5. Skip the perfume. You're not on a date, ok?

3) Wash your hands

New Moms are particular about their babies, and neither she nor her newborn needs your germs. Wash your hands first and then ask if you may hold the newborn. And for goodness sakes, leave a sneezing, snotty nosed child at home!

4) Don't hog the baby

The new Mother's job is to rest and bond with her baby. Don't grab the baby and try to jolly her out of her cries when she obviously wants her Momma back. Hold the new baby briefly, perhaps while Mom uses the bathroom or cuddles her toddler, then give baby back. Now.

5) Do something useful

Ask Mom if you can watch her older child for a half hour so she can nap with the baby. Ask if you can load the dishwasher, or fold a load of laundry. Insist. Don't say "Is there anything I can do?". Say "What can I do?" At the very least, bring paper plates and disposable flatware. She may have forgotten to buy that, but it sure makes those postpartum days a little easier.

6) Keep your visit brief

Mom is tired, recuperating from childbirth and above all needs to rest and learn about her new baby. Counting fingers and toes, cooing, crying, breastfeeding and changing diapers takes all day! A new Mom doesn't need to play hostess. Don't stay more than about 15 minutes unless you're her best friend or close relative, and even then, keep it very brief.

If you remember these tips, the new Mom will really appreciate you, and she'll return the favor the next time you have a baby!

Broken trust

BROKEN TRUST......ever been there?

BROKEN TRUST......ever spent sleepless nights because of it?

BROKEN TRUST......ever felt your stomach eat itself through the lining?

BROKEN TRUST......ever been so confused with what is real and what is not ?

BROKEN TRUST......ever feel like your entire world has just turned upside down?

BROKEN TRUST......ever feel like dieing?

If you have been there so to speak, then you know what it means to suffer from a trust betrayal, or BROKEN TRUST. For lack of a better word. It just plain SUX!

I want to say that we need to experience a broken trust in order to really be able to feel an unbroken trust, but this is not so. There are some experiences in life that no one deserves and dealing with a BROKEN TRUST is certainly one of the top ten.

Some people go through their lives never experiencing the feelings of betrayal or deception or a BROKEN TRUST. For them life is always good and on an even keel. They cannot even imagine what others, that have had even one of those experiences, is feeling or trying to explain.

Have you ever just been totally blinded by your affection with another that you over look every warning sign.? Have you caught a glimpse of a warning sign, and when confronting your partner about it, you believe them after some discussion, but still have a lingering feeling of doubt? Have you ever came upon warning signs that are as real as your hand and when you tried to question them about it, you were made to feel like you were doing something wrong even thinking that they had anything to do with it, yet in your guts you could not feel that you were wrong?

Have you ever brought solid issues up to your partner, because you just need to know, and all they do is get angry and accuse you of not trusting them?

In all these scenarios, the partner being confronted is either guilty, or not.

They could be guilty but with an honest excuse. They could be very good at playing the reverse the attack game, making you feel like you are the wrong doer in the end. Or they just plain pretend that they have no clue what you are talking about and ignore it altogether, again making you out to be the problem if you persist to question.

When you love someone, it does not mean that you should turn a blind eye and agree with their every thought or decision. You, as your own person have choices. If you feel threatened or betrayed, you have the right to clear up those feelings.

Just because you question your partner about an issue does so not mean that you lack TRUST or LOVE. Matters of the heart are very tricky to deal with. One can become very defensive and take any question as a personal attack. That is why emotional wars in any relationship are so draining and confusing.

No one wants to mistrust their partner, but what is one to do when certain signs keep coming up time and time again? Love is only so blind. Some people go through life succeeding in their game of denial or turning the tables to suit themselves. Those types are the hardest people to deal with in a relationship. Eventually you are always the one that ends up feeling hurt and accused of not trusting.. Not only hurt by what you feel is wrong but also, you feel defeated in what you feel and believe is right. Because of your love for your partner and the desire to keep things happy, you stay quiet and try to "Let it go". Then you find yourself mistrusting even more because you are forced to decide about things in your own mind, for fear of being wrong again. This is where a communication break down occurs between two people in a relationship. Once that happens, both parties are on separate roads going separate places and sometime never ever meeting on the same road again.

If you are any of these personalities listed above and you care about your partner, then you must not let communication fall to the way side. Also you must not take it as a personal attack, but more of a person crying for help. It is them that is suffering from a BROKEN TRUST and they are in need of your patience and understanding. They are not enjoying their torture at all. In some ways they are trying to share the pain with you. I know that sounds a bit confusing , but to be human is to be a confusion.

Life can be so good when we have no BROKEN TRUST issues to deal with. Also we need to respect one another and not add to the confusion of a "Normal" relationship by deceiving or belittling our partner. Relationships are at thier best when both partners are at peace and respect one another!

Some hurts cannot be repaired,

but at least they not need be endured alone!

Dorothy Lafrinere

Owner/Operator

Website - womensselfesteem. com

Weblog - justblogme. com/Dorothy

Forum - womenselfesteem. proboards29.com

email - dorothy@womensselfesteem. com